1. We don’t know how it works, but it works

It suppresses symptoms in the short term, but it may result in your penis dropping off in ten years’ time.

2. You don’t need it anyway.

We don’t really understand the function of this particular organ.

3. I’ve been a doctor for 30 years.

I’ve been making the same mistakes for 30 years and nobody else has ever complained.

4. I’m just going to take a few pictures.

This is the first of a battery of tests.

5. This drug has no adverse effects.

I seem to have temporarily misplaced my Physician’s Desk Reference.

6. I’ll be monitoring your progress closely over the next few months.

I need the extra money to pay for my new villa in Portugal.

7. It’s probably caused by a virus.

I don’t know what causes it.

8. Any responsible parent would do the same.

I vaccinated my child, so what’s your problem?

9. I’ll be utilising the latest surgical technology.

I’ve been watching one of my colleagues do this procedure for the last month and I’m itching to have a go myself.

10. Where on earth did you read that?

One of these days I’m going to drop a bomb on those people at What Doctors Don’t Tell You!

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Written by What Doctors Don't Tell You

Explore Wellness in 2021