I’m not fat, I’m an NSRED sufferer

It’s a common observation by Europeans when they visit the USA – why are so many Americans fat? New research has discovered that they’re not fat at all – they’re victims of a condition known as NSRED. Although NSRED sounds like the perfect condition for those with their mouth full, it’s actually an acronym for ‘nocturnal sleep-related eating disorder’.

Around four million Americans are NSRED sufferers, except they don’t know it. While asleep, they go downstairs and raid the refrigerator for high-calorie milkshakes and butter. It’s not clear why they don’t go for the low-calorie stuff, but such are the mysteries of NSRED.

Some sufferers aren’t so lucky, and have been known to eat catfood and even cleaning products. Quite why eating cleaning products makes you fat rather than dead is not explained.

The few who know they are victims of NSRED have put locks on their refrigerator doors, but the best solution, say NSRED experts, is to exercise, avoid caffeine after lunch, and eschew sedatives and alcohol before bedtime.

You could also put salads and vegetables in the fridge, we suppose, but these are superficial observations from those unversed in NSRED (RN, 2002; 65: 41-2).

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Written by What Doctors Don't Tell You

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